Monday

God help me. Sometimes I am so filled with compassion for my fellow man. And sometimes my fellow man is just so stupid that he annoys the hell out of me.

I have encountered several annoying people today.

But twice I have been surprised by the generosity and compassion of others. One who expressed profound gratitude for a small, long overdue, act on my part. One, a woman who often makes my lunch but never really speaks.... asked me in broken English if everything was "ok now?" I was almost reduced to tears in the middle of the food court by her kindness.

So why do the annoying people stay with me so long, but the warmth of the kindness is fleeting? Why does it seem to take SO much positive to outweigh the negative?

Perhaps I just need to up the antidepressants.

Online Art Auction - Raise Money for Orphans

This is from one of my favorite charities: Love Without Boundaries.

In nearly every orphanage in China, children in need of heart surgery wait to be healed. In an effort to help as many of these orphaned children as possible, Love Without Boundaries began the "Born In My Heart" art auction five years ago. This is an annual event that serves as our special tribute to the miracle of adoption, and also as a fundraiser to help us provide these essential operations to children who need emergency heart surgery.

You can help to save the life of a child by taking part from April 24-29. Every penny raised will help to heal precious children and give them the opportunity to grow and thrive, and perhaps even find a family of their very own. So please bid often and bid generously!

Auction items will begin to launch at 9am (Pacific) on Thursday, April 24th. Nearly 300 items will be added throughout the day, and the auction will close Tuesday, April 29th (again, with items closing throughout the course of the day).

We have some absolutely incredible items this year, all donated by LWB's fabulous supporters! Just a few of the items you won't want to miss are: "Jia: Portrait of Hope" by Leila Ashton: an original oil painting of one of our LWB heart babies, a life-size replica jade burial suit, two giclee prints of "Qi Pan" by Zhao Kailin, personalized digital lifebooks, the most beautiful collection of quilts imaginable (including several "100 Good Wishes" quilts), beautiful paintings (both originals and giclee prints), caligraphy, custom adoption videos, amazing photography, embroidery, gift baskets, jewlery, clothing, heritage items and so much more!

You will be able to access our auction from the Love Without Boundaries website homepage at: www.lovewithoutboundaries.com, beginning April 24th (auction items are not available for preview).

Thank you in advance for helping to make this year's auction our best ever!

Love Without Boundaries

Art Auction Committee

Parabens, Soy, and Styrofoam, OH MY

It's amazing how many things are linked to cancer - even soy products are (according to some) a 'no-no' if you have already been diagnosed with estrogen-positive cancer (although ironically soy may prevent cancer if you don't have it already. Don't ask me to explain this, and don't count on it as being right.)

Anyway, I was going to blog about the woman in line at breakfast this morning who was so mean to me. After I said what a great idea it was to bring her own ceramic bowl to the cafeteria, instead of just saying "thank you" like a civilized person, she told me the chemicals in my styrofoam plate could leach into the food - and since it is Earth Day today I really should start doing something for the environment. And a happy Earth Day to YOU, too, you biotch who doesn't even know my name. (Sometimes you are part of the solution AND part of the problem!) I wonder how SHE gets to work? I ride on a van with 12 other people. People really piss me off sometimes.

But I digress.

I just read this about parabens. Sorry, the person who quoted it didn't put a cite. I'm sure you can google it.

Some research has focused on parabens, which are preservatives used in some deodorants and antiperspirants that have been shown to mimic the activity of estrogen in the body’s cells (4). Although parabens are used in many cosmetic, food, and pharmaceutical products, according to the FDA, most major brands of deodorants and antiperspirants in the United States do not currently contain parabens. Consumers can look at the ingredient label to determine if a deodorant or antiperspirant contains parabens. Parabens are usually easy to identify by name, such as methylparaben, propylparaben, butylparaben, or benzylparaben. The National Library of Medicine’s Household Products Database also has information about the ingredients used in most major brands of deodorants and antiperspirants. This database is available at http://householdproducts.nlm.nih.gov/index.htm on the Internet.

The belief that parabens build up in breast tissue was supported by a 2004 study, which found parabens in 18 of 20 samples of tissue from human breast tumors (5). However, this study did not prove that parabens cause breast tumors (4). The authors of this study did not analyze healthy breast tissue or tissues from other areas of the body and did not demonstrate that parabens are found only in cancerous breast tissue (5). Furthermore, this research did not identify the source of the parabens and cannot establish that the buildup of parabens is due to the use of deodorants or antiperspirants.

More research is needed to specifically examine whether the use of deodorants or antiperspirants can cause the buildup of parabens and aluminum-based compounds in breast tissue. Additional research is also necessary to determine whether these chemicals can either alter the DNA in some cells or cause other breast cell changes that may lead to the development of breast cancer.

Oh, and don't lick the lead paint, and for SURE don't drink out of plastic bottles. Or aluminum.

I wonder if it's too late to live my life in a bubble.

Update

Is my blog the most depressing thing ever? Have you all stopped reading entirely? Are you wondering why it has turned into a virtual memorial to women I don't even know?

Welcome to life after cancer. I didn't see this phase in the "stages of grief." Is this acceptance? Denial? Anger? I don't know.

There is survival guilt.

There is second-guessing every ache and pain. The headache that lasted almost two weeks.... a little part of me wondered: "do I have a brain tumor?"

Does that sound like an over-reaction? I would have thought so.... before.

And of course there is looking in the mirror every day and wondering: "Who the Hell is THAT?"

But I do have GOOD news! I see my oncologist tomorrow for my quarterly check-up. Todd already ran all my blood work and it came back NORMAL.

This is good.

And the headache is gone.

And I have moved into my new office with a WINDOW.

I am going to focus less on those who are dying, and more on the living.

I'm also still trying to get a good picture of my current hair....

Shabana

Another YSC sister has passed - Shabana. My best understanding is she had complications from treatment (Avastin - a drug I did not have). Her last post on the YSC was February 19th. She was asking for prayers regarding her headaches and other symptoms. She died last night. The picture on the left is her with her little girl. The one on the right was taken in September.

It seems to happen so fast.